Enroute to Egypt to find food when famine hit Israel (then Cannan) Abraham turns to Sarah and says: “Hey, I just realized how beautiful you are! The Egyptians might kill me to take you for a wife!” And so they devise a plot (she hides in a box, pretends she’s his sister etc).
What’s going on here? They’ve been married for a long time, gone through so much together – and Abraham just now finds out that she’s pretty!?
Rashi offers several answers, and each of these answers can be a lesson on how to view beauty in our lives as well.
1) Some guys see a gorgeous girl, fall in love, only later to find that they’re not compatible, and hardly value anything in common. Sadly, we see that too often with students who come to speak to us about relationships. They’ve been an item for a few years, but only now begin to speak about real life issues and realize they’re not on the same page. Abraham loved Sarah for reasons far richer and deeper than external beauty. Only when enroute to Egypt, considering Egyptian lifestyle, did he turn to Sarah and realize how beautiful she was even on the outside.
2) Anyone can be beautiful in the right setting, but to be beautiful while shlepping to Egypt during a famine – that’s true beauty. So Abraham always knew Sarah was beautiful but he saw a new dimension to her beauty in a time of adversity. Some people shine in challenging times. That’s a tremendous virtue.
3) Of course Abraham knew his wife was beautiful. He knew that all along. But this was the first time in their marriage that he had to worry about it. This was the first time that he felt her beauty could be a threat to their relationship. The message from this third Rashi interpretation: Beauty is best when it enhances and strengthens a relationship, not when it threatens it. The laws of Tzniyut modesty preserve private beauty for the couple themselves, and keep it from being flirtatious and tempting for others.
Obviously, we are human, and not as saintly as Abraham, but we are descendants of Abraham and should keep these three interpretations and messages in mind. Yes, we ought to focus on inner beauty and not just the externals, and we should try to shine and be beautiful even in times of stress and challenge, and find ways to ensure that beauty enhances and enriches the relationship with those we love.