Some of my favorite early Chassidic reading were the stories by Rebbe Yosef Yitzchak (the Previous Lubavitcher Rebbe 1880-1950) in his “Lekutei Diburim” very ably translated into English by Uri Kaploun, remarkably capturing much of the original Yiddish flavor. I loved the warmth and inspiration, the vivid descriptive detail, the nostalgic richness, the human interest and depth of character… I still reread and think about these stories.

There were two stories about a Reb Nochum (grandson of the Alter Rebbe, Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi) near the beginning of the first volume of Lekutei Dibburim that I had trouble appreciating, they seemed to be negative, I didn’t get the point. But I reread these stories this week, and thought about them a bit, and then an insight and appreciation dawned on me. We’ll get to the insight later, first the two stories.

It all starts with a question. This Reb Nochum was the son of the Mitteler Rebbe (see daughter Sara’s Bas-Mitzvah project about him) and the grandson of the Alter Rebbe. He lived most of his life in Niezhin (in NE Ukraine) but towards the end of his life spent increasing amounts of time, near his grandfather’s burial site in Haditch, which was a much more remote location. Chassidim wondered: Why did Reb Nochum decide to spend so much time, away from his family and community, months and years in Haditch by the Alter Rebbe’s gravesite?

First let me tell the two stories in short. (To get the full story with all the details see Lekkutei Dibburim (English) Volume 1, pages 29-36).

THE FORK IN THE ROAD

In 1812, as Napoleon’s armies were advancing into Russia, the Alter Rebbe and his entourage of family and Chassidim retreated deeper into Russia. When they left Liadi, the Alter Rebbe prayed they would reach Poltava by Rosh Hashanah. The Alter Rebbe rode in the third wagon of the convoy, while his grandson Nochum rode up front with two soldiers who led the group. At each junction they asked the Alter Rebbe which path to take. At one fork in the road the Alter Rebbe gave instructions to Nochum, who somehow misunderstood the directions, and the convoy went off in a different direction that intended. This led to a serious of detours and setbacks, and instead of Poltava, they ended up far deeper into Russia. The Alter Rebbe was quite distressed about this, and it weighed heavily on his grandson Nochum. On that journey, during that brutally cold Russian winter, the Alter Rebbe passed away on the 24th of Tevet 5573 (December 27, 1812) in the distant town of Piena, and was buried in the nearby town of Haditch.

To quote the Likkutei Dibburim, “And that is why there were Chassidim who assumed that they knew why Reb Nachum tarried so long in Haditch.”

THE KOTINKE COAT

Once a group of elder Chassidim were visiting the Alter Rebbe’s burial site in Haditch, and one mustered the daring to ask R’ Nochum himself the reason why he spent so much time in Haditch in his old age. Below is the Kotinke story that Nochum told, one that dated back to his wedding and had nothing to do with the fork in the road story above.

When Nochum got married he ordered a Kotinke, which was a top-of-the-line silk coat that had a fur collar of fox or sable. For some reason the Alter Rebbe wasn’t pleased with this (in 1955 the Rebbe explained that the Alter Rebbe was concerned about young Jews getting carried away with the latest fashions, the long-term trends and far-reaching consequences that might lead to) and asked Nochum what he thought of having a patch put on this new coat. Nochum was very happy with the coat as is and wasn’t interested in the patch. The Alter Rebbe implored him and offered him exceptional spiritual gifts in exchange, and finally Nochum relented a bit, and asked his grandfather, “Do I really have to want this patch truthfully, or can I do it out of a sense of obligation?” The Alter Rebbe said it would have to be done truthfully, and they left it at that. (Again, for the full details of these stories, see Lekkutei Dibburim (English) Vol I. page 29-36).

Reb Nochum said that he returned to Haditch near the end of his life to fix the issue of the Kotinke.

A POSSIBLE MESSAGE FROM THESE TWO STORIES

When I first read these two stories back in my early teens, they rubbed me the wrong way. Both stories seemed to reflect negatively on Nochum. Both stories had a sad ending, and neither seem to have a positive, uplifting message as Chassidic stories ought to. What’s the point?

It’s 30 years later. I recently reread these stories and something dawned on me. It’s just a thought, an interpretation, an insight.

The first story is about guilt. It’s a very Jewish trait, there many jokes about the role of guilt in Jewish life, and it does act as a catalyst and motivator for a lot of people. But Chabad Chassidus isn’t into guilt, and perhaps that’s the message here. People assumed that the “Fork in the Road” was the reason Reb Nochum spent so much time in Haditch, but it wasn’t. The reason he gave was because he was trying to make up or rectify the Kotinke story. And that second story wasn’t really about guilt, certainly not about the negative forms of guilt.

There’s a big difference between guilt and making up unfinished business. In the “Fork in the Road” Reb Nochum may have felt guilty about the mistaken directions, and whatever consequences that may have caused, but it wasn’t on purpose, it wasn’t his fault, it was now in the past, and dwelling on it would have no constructive purpose. Whereas “The Kotinke” was a story of character, where improvement, effort and change is ideal, and a most worthy endeavor. The young soon-to-wed Nochum eager for the fancy silk coat was a different person than the wiser,  more experienced Reb Nochum of his old age, and he wanted to work that out in his soul. (This difference between guilt that helps us grow and guilt that pulls us down, is adapted from the two types of sadness in Tanya 31).

Simply put, in the words in the Rebbe’s HaYom Yom (for the calendar date of 6th of Kislev) quoting the Rebbe Rashab: “The daily nighttime Shema is a miniature form of the Shma said before one’s passing. But there’s a difference: At death one leaves “the marketplace” completely, but with the nighttime Shma we are still very much of the “market” and there’s much we can accomplish and achieve.” Also, see the latter half of this page on Chabad.org “The Neck” for the Rebbe’ empowering interpretation of Joseph and Benjamin crying on each other’s shoulder(s). 

As we grow and mature, we are sometimes interested in changing or fixing certain things from our past. That’s OK, and usually quite laudable. But if we’re getting dragged down by guilt because of our past, if it stymies or paralyzes us, if its something we can’t change at this point, that’s negative guilt – and that’s not a reason to go back and spend soulful time agonizing over. These stories teach us that Reb Nochum did not “go back” for the Fork in the Road, though he did go back and spend much time dealing with the old story of the Kotinke coat.

Now and then, we all go back to review past “films” of our lives. If for whatever reason we’re rewinding, (though our main focus ought to be going forward) let’s go back for the Kotinke-type stories, but not bother bringing up the “Fork-in-the-Road” type of issues. Let’s focus on where we can grow, on the things we can change now for the better.