Here’s a memory of mine from Motzai Shabbat Selichot (the midnight prayers on the Saturday night before Rosh Hashanah) from my Yeshiva years, and thinking back to that now, as we look forward to Midnight Selichot.
YESHIVA DAYS, SELICHOT IN 770
Usually, for most religious Jews, Selichot is considered a somber serious situation. It has High Holiday vibes, the Sat Night Selichot begins the mood of the high holiday season. But there’s a Chassidic tradition to enter these Selichot from a night of lively farbrengens, to be joyously inspired, uplifted. Most religious Jews would consider this atypical or unusual at best. Even most adults in 770 entered in the serious type mood, but the yeshiva students came in energized from a day and night farbrengens… But then the Rebbe would come into Selichot, and the whole mood changed – in a moment. The Rebbe was exceedingly serious – until the ending rousing and uplifting Rachmono song.
I have many memories of Selichot in 770. Yosel Weinberg’s distinctive intonation of the Ashrei as Chazzan ushered in the holiday season for me. I remember the unusual amount of Shtreimels in the crowd. The very packed 770, wall-to-wall, front-to-back. But the mixing mood, that quick mood-switching of the night, its dual-vibe was always something drastic and unusual for me.
COLLEGE DAYS, MIDNIGHT SELICHOT AT UALBANY
It’s been about a decade now or more than we do Midnight Selichot prayers here at UAlbany. We start with midnight pizza, smoothies (for a smooth year) and live music – and by the time Halachic Midnight comes ’round (approx 1:00am) there’s good vibe and energy in the room.
This particular year we have the added dimension of a live UAlbany football game at midnight. It so happens that this long anticipated game of UAlbany playing Hawaii, IN Hawaii. Kickoff is at midnight our time here in Albany. This is a historic, unusual timing – so we’ll be watching the college football game, too.
Not to mention the students who are coming from or going to parties as is the tradition ’round these parts on a Saturday night…
and in the midst of all this: music, football, smoothies, parties – we pray Selichot!
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Not to explain all this, but one takeaway: Tanya 34 says that it’s OK to have mixed feelings. There’s room in the heart for tears and joys at the same time.
And while the context of course is very different, this aspect is something Selichot from my yeshiva days in 770 and Selichot here in college have in common.
Part of growing up is learning to balance and calibrate mixed emotions or dual emotions. To understand the place and effect each type of emotion has. Emotions don’t cancel each other out. Both feelings can be real and true at the same time.
Sometimes it can feel hypocritical, dishonest or torn in different directions, and there’s truth to that too, but it doesn’t always have to be that way. There can be ways to incorporate many aspects in our Jewish experience and service of G-d. Not everything, of course, some things just won’t jive, but many things can. Surprisingly, they can.